not just words

This time last year, I was in the same rut. And you were the only one who truly understood and defended me, saying “Ok lang yan, Beeps. Ganyan din ako dati.”

 

Kuya!!!!!

 

It’s the season again. And…

 

Do you remember when we were younger, and we were all on edge when it’s Christmas - because we just seemed to have too many conflicting family obligations. No matter what we did - someone was affronted; someone thought we meant to hurt them.

Well…

 

This time it’s that all over again. Except now it’s different. Yet the same.

 

I know I am not making sense.

 

 

I just HATE Christmas. I know. Strong word. And I am sooooooo trying to fill my heart - my life - with love. 

 

This season just brings to the fore all the unprocessed pain, rejection, misunderstanding and drama of this telenovela that I have for a life. Add to that the feeling of utter inadequacy. And the sleepless nights. The workload. The emotional strain of not letting go of someone whom I know needs me- yet keeps on pushing-shoving-kicking me away.  

 

I know, I know. All these, I brought on to myself. I know.

 

O, well.

 

Anyway - I just remembered… FOCUS ON THE TASK. God. Love.

 

I heard that loud and clear yesterday. And I was grateful. And happy. 

 

Wow. What a difference a day makes, huh?

 

Then again. What a difference one blog post makes.

 

Yes, kuy. Focus on the task: Basking in the love of God. And being a mirror of that Love.

 

To Him I turn.

 

Praise God, kuy!

 

hey! Am FINALLY seeing the family later. 

 

Lord, help me be strong and unfaltering. Let me go. I will go. For sure.

 

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

 

b

This entry was posted on Monday, December 8th, 2008 at 12:21 am and is filed under healing the hurt, teaching/learning, yey!, you learn something new everyday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.