Unfathomable.
A favorite word. Even more than the word that stood by me for a long while: serendipity.
If, by any chance, you CAN hear me - I just want you to know that I finally feel that I am on the right path to healing.
Unfathomable.
So many things are. So much love is.
GOD IS.
God is so unfathomable in His love.
God is so unfathomable in His sacrifice.
His generosity, His healing power, His mercy… His focus (doggedness, even) in all the goodness… in every goodness.
Unfathomable.
Here is the crux: in my trying to comprehend (with my great mind - “get over yourself!”) the path He had laid out for me - the people I would encounter, who had the power to do me good… or harm my spirit with lasting pain - I lost myself. In my quest to understand… to get enlightened… everything exploded in a catastrophic pain-bomb.
AND. When the bomb exploded… everyone - and everything - around me had their fill of that hateful, deadly poison.
So - I grew up with pain, so what?! Everyone tried to tell me. God loves you. Pain=God’s love?!!!! Now, who would even try to understand THAT? I did. Who in her right mind, would? That is why I did, it seems.
Unfathomable.
This has got to be my biggest breakthrough. I KNOW I am slowly healing because I am realizing my smallness. I do not mean that I am not beautiful, nor gifted, nor blessed. I mean that my mind, my heart, my being… I AM too small to ever handle ALL of God. To try to understand Him and His ways is not only futile… it is one of the greatest insults to God’s love. Remember that little boy by the seashore — trying to put all of the ocean’s water into the small hole he had dug? I am glad I am not alone in my stubborn pride and stupidity.
And I am glad that - after much searching - I finally got it. Enlightenment= the Acceptance of the Unfathomable.
God’s love is unfathomable.
Even when I felt my dirtiest, most sinful… even evil…
Even when anger propelled me to dig myself into that sticky, noxious nothingness…
HE LOVED ME.
He has loved me from the very beginning.
He has loved me through all the pain.
He even loved me through all my anger - my lashing.
He loves me now in my uncertainty.
He will love me WHATEVER HAPPENS. Nothing I can EVER do would make Him love me less.
THAT in itself is unfathomable.
But that He loves ALL of us with that kind of love…
goes beyond.
Can you imagine the great love He must have for all of us? Do you remember that cross he carried? The cross on which he was nailed? The cross which - in the final moments - Jesus leaned on - against those huge nails tearing into his flesh- as he felt the full burden of sacrifice?
He planted that tree. Nourished it. Made it heavy. Solid.
So His son may carry it. As an offering. Of love. For all of us.
Forgiveness.
Worthy or not.
Unfathomable.
Truly.
b
(last nalang. me thinks people who do good do not necessarily live in God’s love. but. people who live in His love - whether they like it or not- do good. they have no choice. when one thinks of how much love He has for each of us — for me as His daughter — the only choice is to love back. contra pelo ang umiwas. UNFATHOMABLE!)
praise God! as kuy used to say. i smile as i say, “amen!”
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Indeed God’s works are surely unfathomable. He blesses us so much yet He allows pain to pierce us but He uses this pain to mold us to the person He wants us to be… I am truly blessed by your blog… Truly His son died for us, died for our filth, it should have been us on that cross but because of his love for us, He did it once and for all. Blessings to you… see you around
Hi!
My name is Jessika!
hi Jude.
Thanks for acknowledging my sharing of God’s love. I pray for happiness in your life and in all those you love — happiness through HIM and Him alone.
b
hello Jessika.
b